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Nov 23, 2023 19:11:09 GMT
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 1:41:21 GMT
"Well I mean... Me trying this last time made you run away. And I thought we were saving the first time I'd see you that way for some time special... Not the time where my life is in shambles and I want to die..."
Rei looks a little down from the bottom half of her face that Holly can see behind the hand.
"I know it's just sleeping but... I don't know. I just didn't want you to wake up, realize that you were this way, and run off again. I really really don't think I can take it at this point..."
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May 31, 2023 21:25:23 GMT
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 1:48:25 GMT
Holly pulls Rei into a hug. "Then don't think of this as 'special' yet. I just want to be near you always. I know you're hurting and I want to make you feel better...somehow. I didn't know when you'd be back, and I was honestly too tired to think about putting on something before I fell asleep. If it will make you less uncomfortable though, I can put something on."
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Nov 23, 2023 19:11:09 GMT
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 1:54:13 GMT
"Well I mean I'd love nothing more than to see it. I just don't even know if I deserve it at this point... I know you just want to make me feel better, though. You do whatever you feel is right. I'm about at my lowest right now, you can't make it any worse..."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 1:58:16 GMT
Holly thinks a moment, then gets up and at least puts on some undergarments so she isn't completely nude. Then she crawls back in with Rei. "Don't talk like that Rei. You deserve some happiness for once. Don't let Tiki keep dragging you down. That's what she wants: to make you feel as bad as her. If I can tell that, then you should be able to as well. But let's not talk about that."
She blushes lightly as she gives Rei a light peck on the cheek. She tries to smile in hopes it will make Rei feel like maybe the entire world isn't against her.
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 2:09:02 GMT
Rei hears Holly get up and put something on and finally drops her hand. She did really kinda want to see Holly but it wasn't right today.
"It's not even just Tiki anymore..."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 2:54:10 GMT
Holly sighs. "Well what is it then? If you don't tell me, I can't even try to help."
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 4:25:25 GMT
Rei sighs and sits back against her headboard.
"Hug me for the next part, I'm going to need it."
She sighs.
"First. I can't... I can't stop thinking I'm unhealthy for everyone I'm around. Tiki's stuff is obvious, but I think Clay and I have a rift between us now. He seemed angry at me for going along with the fight, with not trying enough to help her enough... And I think he's basically been wrapped up in our relationship issues so much he's ignored his own."
She pauses and looks away from Holly as she can't continue to look at her.
"And you... I feel like I've just dragged you down with me. It feels like if we never met in the swamp your life would be better. You wouldn't have gotten kidnapped, you'd still just be living with your sister safe and sound. I know you love me. I know that. But it feels like our relationship is so one-sided. What have I ever really done for you? It feels like 'being around you' like you say you like is it. On the other side, you've talked me through so many issues, kept me sane, and listened to so many of my rants. Like this one! It just feels like I'm a drain on you..."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 5:50:22 GMT
Holly frowns and lightly bops Rei on the head. "No. Bad Rei. None of that is as true as you think it is. If I truly thought I was better off without you, would I still be here? And don't worry about Clay, he's obviously just concerned as your friend. You could try encouraging him to focus on his own relationship, but I think he'll probably just try to keep 'helping' you and Tiki. But that is over now. Tiki obviously isn't going to stop until she gets both of you killed, and I'm not going to allow that. She wants to be our friend? That's fine, as long as she doesn't keep doing this whole 'oh, woe is me, my one and only love in life hates me, I should just go die in a gutter alone' shtick. If she doesn't want to be our friend anymore, for any reason, then she can just leave. Nobody is stopping her except her. I'm just tired of her attitude."
At this point Holly is reminded of Clay's words about how the two of them are the 'sane' ones compared to Rei/Tiki.
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 6:09:00 GMT
"I know part of me realizes that it's not true. But the other half keeps shouting it. Over and over, and loud."
Rei looks back at the mention of Clay.
"I hope you are right about Clay. And I did tell him he should look out for his self instead of worrying himself to death about his friends. But I don't think he caught it very well."
Rei just falls silent for a while after mention of Tiki. She wants to argue, but Holly has a point now. She's tried so hard but Tiki has denied help and concocted this whole narrative Rei can't break with any amount of logic. At this point Rei is just going to give Tiki space. For a long while.
"Yeah... I guess you are right. I just know I can't be around Tiki for a long time. Maybe even ever..."
She puts her head in her hands.
"But there's a bigger problem. I think I shouldn't fight anymore."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 6:24:20 GMT
"What do you mean 'think [you] shouldn't fight anymore'? I don't think I quite understand."
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 6:27:24 GMT
"I don't think I myself should be in combat anymore. I'm just a failure at it..."
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 6:51:46 GMT
"It started during Rock Tunnel. As the scale and the danger went up, it became harder and harder to protect anyone more than once or twice. Maya's team and my team took a lot of punishment down there. Tiki's fight sealed the deal. Her pokemon hit so hard... Early on after joining the guild, when fighting against smaller pokemon and people of our level, it was fine. But now it's impossible to do the one thing I was trained to do! And if I can't do that, I'm useless. I don't want to just fight myself, my mother never wanted that for me... But that's what I was forced to do down there. And I hate it..."
Rei's shaking and starts tearing up at this point.
"I mean, just look at me! I'm not even an adult and I'm covered in scars like I've been through a hundred battles! That's not normal! That's not healthy! I'm only going to get myself seriously injured doing this. Or worse. And worst of all..."
The tears start streaming down Rei's face.
"After I fell in Tiki's battle knowing I had only two pokemon compared to her four, I knew I would have lost. As I was unconscious, my mind went crazy. I saw everything in my life up to that point, as my mind knew my whole life was being upturned. And what I saw terrified me. I saw my first few years of my life. And then that's it. Just... nothing. After I left my home I thought I'd avoid my father's obsession and use the training to help people. But it turns out, I did! I failed! I got obsessed! I got obsessed with the idea of turning what was in reality a horrible upbringing and using the training for good. I've had no childhood. I've had no life! And it's driven me to dangerous places, stressed me out, and made me miserable. And now my pokemon feel it and when I constantly get in fights where I need to 'prove myself' they get hurt. And Shinpuru's poor confidence is shattered, I've never seen him like that!"
Rei starts rocking back and forth.
"And if I quit fighting I have to in good faith quit the Steel Branch and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself without my combat skills or where to go and I'm freaking out that my whole life is vanishing before me!"
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 7:15:45 GMT
Holly hugs Rei tightly, unsure how else to help her. "I have faith in you, Rei. You'll pull through somehow, you always do. And this time, I'll be here to help in my own small ways. Whatever you need, I'll help you!"
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 13:02:36 GMT
"Ok..."
Rei says that meekly and looks down. She obviously doesn't have a clue on how to figure it out at the moment. She's glad Holly is there for her, but it's a tiny light against a sea of darkness. She lifts her head out of her hands and reveals her tear stained face again.
"Do you think less of me? If I do it?"
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 17:36:50 GMT
"Not everyone is cut out for fighting, Rei, but that doesn't mean you're suddenly worthless just because you can't/won't fight anymore. Just stay calm and we'll figure this out. Bit by bit. Okay? Oh, and Rei? I could never think less of you. I love you too much."
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 19:03:42 GMT
Rei hugs Holly really close.
"How did it all come to this..."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 19:22:51 GMT
Holly just shakes her head and hugs Rei tightly. She has no answers to that question.
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 19:31:36 GMT
Rei just enjoys the contact.
"Ugh I'm just wide awake now. I can't stop thinking about how to handle all of this..."
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Post by Raven on May 13, 2018 19:39:19 GMT
Holly thinks for a moment, then tries to distract Rei from her thoughts with a kiss. Even if only for a little while, a distraction is a distraction.
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Post by lichlord on May 13, 2018 21:50:44 GMT
Rei sniffs but reciprocates. She can lose herself in Holly for the moment. She sniffs again and wipes her eyes.
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